A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
