tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
