The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I would fuck him just for his dog
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
