The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
