it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
