did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I puked a lego.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
