Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
