It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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