Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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