So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
