If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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