And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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