He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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