I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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