Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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