someone owes me an orgasm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
