After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize