i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
