Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
