You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
