Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
