Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
