I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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