if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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