it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
