You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
