I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
