just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't think brook has ever known best
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize