you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
