A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
