Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
