The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize