Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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