Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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