plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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