A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
