I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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