smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
