Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
