DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
