I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
