i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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