look no pants
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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