his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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