Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
