I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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