The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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