Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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