I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
