okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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