hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
