What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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