Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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