tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
