does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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