Bisexual people are plain selfish.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
