In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
