"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
