oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
