dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's never too late to be topless.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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