How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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