Jerry, you need to find god
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
