I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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