The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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